“Broken Crayons”

Dear Teacher,

On this day, one of my students was clearly dyregulated.  This kiddo had exhibited some pretty big behaviors that day: Leaving the area, refusing to do work, noise making, and name calling.  You name it, he was doing it.  I recognized these behaviors as being associated with a stress response.

I worked with him, sought support for him, but my patience was being tested.  After all, I had a classroom full of other kids with needs and a curriculum track to follow.  At that point, I was channelling all of my inner calm, focusing on management strategies trying to get to the root of the behavior.  With an understanding of what was going on in his home, I knew I needed to stand by and support this spiraling student.  

It was toward the end of the school day when he took two boxes of crayons and smashed them on the table.  With only four minutes until the end of school, he was lost in tears, crying over his lack of ability to communicate for help.  I hugged him, reassured him of tomorrow's better day, and resisted the urge to lose my cool.  I weighed my options: Send him to the office, write him up, dole out consequences.  But because he had communicated his struggles with me, I knew his suffering was enough.

I gathered the scattered crayons into a neat pile and thought about how he needed to gather himself and his scattered emotions.  Jotting a note to him, I wrote "It's okay to have bad days and I'm sorry it was so hard.  It's also okay to NOT be okay.  You are loved, supported, and cared for here.  I know you'll work on putting these crayons back together when you're ready.  I'm looking forward to a hug if you need one."

When he walked in the next day, he looked at the crayon pile, read the note, and slowly began putting the crayons away.  When he finished, he gave me a hug and simply said, "Thank you for not sending me to the office.  I'm sorry about the mess."

And you, teacher, there in your classroom, may have messes, too.  There are likely areas of your life in which you feel scattered, broken, and dysregulated.   Whether the mess is with your health, your finances, your family, or your feelings, you likely wish they were in a neat pile.  And yet, in the midst of it all, I write you this:

"It's okay to have bad days and I'm sorry it's so hard.  It's also okay to NOT be okay.  You are loved, supported, and cared for here.  I know you'll work on putting things back together when you're ready.  I'm looking forward to a [virtual] hug if you need one."

Gathering the pieces with you,
Mindy Salyers
Christian School Counselor

(adapted from Mrs. Arensberg)